I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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