Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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