Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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