the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just pynch a tree in the face
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
