So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
