I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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