why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
