just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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