omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
accomplished twins. life is a go
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think your dad took our porno
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Randomize
