youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
