Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
