Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
