Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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