sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
