I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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