i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
