We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
