he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
