Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
