I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
