I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
