the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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