Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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