when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
