There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
