I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I touched a dick in church today
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
