Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
