I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
