swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
