don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
