i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
sex in a hospital.. check
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize