white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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