Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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