four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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