I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
