So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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