She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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