So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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