I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
