it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
