she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
