I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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