is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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