True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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