dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
