Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
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I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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