just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
