This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
