1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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