i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
