Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
