Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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