every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
