I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
