Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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