yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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