she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I will be naked everywhere
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
