So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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