census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
