SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
40s are totally the cure
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
