Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
