Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
