i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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