I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
soo... how was my night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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