I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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