I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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