Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
