I just cut my nipple shaving
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
