She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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